


One Day I Might Regret This

by Hippiainen



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Gen, Ratoa Sey, T7 makes a small guest appearance, mentions of the Barsen'thor and the Wrath, poor Jedi is a mess and has no idea what to do with his life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 08:30:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10805499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hippiainen/pseuds/Hippiainen
Summary: After the destruction of Ziost the Jedi Council suggested that Ratoa took some time off and recuperated on Tython. It has been months since then and the Council seems reluctant to even discuss the possibility of him reassuming the hunt for Vitiate. With the nightmares getting worse, Ratoa must choose between staying or finding Vitiate on his own.





	One Day I Might Regret This

**Author's Note:**

> The title is inspired by the lyrics of "Mun koti ei oo täällä" by Chisu.

A dark chuckle echoed in his head, the voice painfully familiar. “I’ll always be here little Jedi. You are mine, and one day you’ll give yourself to me willingly.” The voice surrounded him, filled his head, his thoughts.

No way to escape.

The cold sweat clung to his skin as the dark room came to view. Breath, just a dream, a memory. Maybe. The voice too close, too real.

Ever since Vitiate had come back the cold dread that had been a constant companion for years now had only grown. Each day drowning him. Filling him with thoughts Jedi weren’t supposed to have, the self-doubt slowly eating him alive.

“Indeed – what good are you?” Echoes of Ziost floated in his head. Remembering the death of the planet, the Force screaming as he was helpless to stop it. The feeling flooded back, the utter helplessness shaking him to the core, bile rising in his throat.

Vitiate’s shadow had found him, proven it could get to him even on Tython, even on a planet surrounded by the light side. He would never be safe, not until Vitiate was dead. The weight of the insurmountable task crushing him daily. He knew the Council had no faith in his abilities to confront Vitiate, but next time he would finish it, no matter what.

The Council would never approve of his decision to kill Vitiate, at least not for the reasons he had. The only way he’d ever be free of this burden would be when Vitiate was dead. Free of the fear and hate. Free of his responsibility to the Jedi and the Galaxy.

But the Council didn’t let him hunt Vitiate, he was too unstable, too emotionally invested. Now they wished to observe him, to “help”. They hadn’t done so when he had needed the help, now it was too late, an attempt by desperate Masters to tie him to the Order. Fancy new title, being locked on Tython with Master Lesae to watch over him – too little, too late. Once being Battlemaster would have been an honor, but now the title rang hollow.

But still he needed the Order, they had the resources to help him locate Vitiate. Except…

His eyes glanced at the datapad fugitively, as if lingering on it longer than a second would make him do the unthinkable. Two days ago he had gotten a message, he should have reported it to the Council but... No, this was about him and Vitiate. An alternative, a way out.

_I know you want the same as I, Vitiate dead. He must pay for his crimes. I doubt the Jedi are willing to do what is necessary to stop him, but know that I will not hesitate. If you wish to have your revenge, you know how to contact me._

_\- Darth Vreder, the Empire’s Wrath_

Ratoa couldn’t believe he was genuinely contemplating allying with a Sith. Not that it would be the first time, but Scourge had come to him. This would mean going to the Sith, something the Council wouldn’t approve of, even if it would save the galaxy. And provide him the peace that had eluded him for a long time.

But the Order had been his life for so long. Even if he hated to admit it to himself, he was afraid of leaving. But as long as Vitiate was around, the Order couldn’t keep him safe, and the truth was he was more afraid of Vitiate than of the Council or their reaction. Certainly nothing would happen if he stayed here. Vitiate would find him, in his dreams and thoughts. Or worse, in person. At a time when he wouldn’t be prepared, when he wouldn’t have a choice.

Hunting Vitiate down would be better. Like he was doing something instead of waiting for the inevitable. Waiting the Council to judge him too emotional, too dark, too dangerous.  They hoped he’d heal here, but if they wouldn’t see the progress… In that case Lesae might get to show her healing talents.

He needs to get out.

Somewhere where he can be lost, where the noise drowns those in his head – Coruscant or Nar Shaddaa would do. Far from the other Jedi… Nar Shaddaa then. Maybe contact Vreder, the Sith would probably have the Empire’s resources at his command to locate Vitiate. In any case that could wait.

So pack, catch the shuttle to the fleet, and then find a transport to Nar Shaddaa.

The first part was easy, it’s not like he had lot of belongings to begin with. Getting dressed and throwing few pairs of robes and datapads into a bag didn’t take that long. The sum of his life. Clipping his lightsabers to his belt, he was ready to leave.

* * *

 He was almost at the hanger, with good fifteen minutes to spare before the first shuttle of the morning would depart for the fleet, when he heard a familiar peep.

“Jedi + T7 = are a team // T7 = come with Jedi”

He hadn’t planned on taking anyone with him, or even let them know he was leaving until it would be too late to stop him, but now that T7 was here he couldn’t just leave the droid. Besides, T7 was his friend.

“Sure,” he couldn’t help but smile at T7, they had been through a lot and he had never lost fate in Ratoa, “we should get going if we are to catch the shuttle.”

“T7 = right behind Jedi”


End file.
